Let's try this again (Tag: Marina)

[jp Van Der Berg]

It has been a while since his incident with Marina, it happened a couple of times again in the bus and other places. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he just saw visions whenever he came into contact with certain people and just feel as sad and happy or whatever the person was feeling in that exact moment of the vision. He hated it but, Marina seemed to be the only one who might have had an idea what is wrong with him. He didn’t know what to do or what to say about it all but she might have answers for him. She was the most calm about it all, the other people just tried attacking him. So he decided maybe it was time to maybe visit Marina again, it wasn’t hard to find their place, they were pretty well known by everyone. The Sinclair’s everyone knew about them, now Jordan too, but he was surprised nobody pointed him to the Sinclair Mansion, oh well, there must be a reason for that he guessed.

He was finally there, not what he expected, especially for someone as famous as Marina, he guess he expected more guards or something, he walked up the drive way, it was a rather breezy day, he was nervous maybe Marina was also mad at him for getting into her head. It worried him a bit but he hoped she understood why he ran away, he was just surprised by all he saw, all that went through his head, the only feeling he got when he saw that vision was to run, his body told him run and that’s what he did, he didn’t want to leave Marina the way he did, but it was just a compulsive reaction to what he saw. He walked up to the door step as he rang the bell. He slowly moved backwards a bit and then put both his hands in his jeans pocket. He was surely nervous and hope Marina was the one who answered the door, he wouldn’t know what to say if someone else answered.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Her father was in Acapulco which was the only reason she was even here today. She was collecting some of her things and she was going to be gone before anyone was any the wiser. The staff had let her in and helped her pack the last of the items up and they were being loaded into her car as she looked at the door. 'Oh heavens, what now?' she groaned and looked at herself in the mirror, she'd tried to jazz her day up with turquoise and it worked pretty well but the idea of meeting someone who thought she was a freak sucked balls. Exhaling softly she made her way to the door and opened it, the swish of her skirt bringing the scent of the light perfume she wore with it. She really didn't know what to say to him. What did one say to someone who saw the most hidden part of your life then freaked and ran? It was reactions like this that she feared and why she was on antidepressants. Even with Michael having given her a duty and purpose it still hurt that people thought she was a weirdo.

Looking at JP she smiled softly, "Hey there. Would you like to come in? I assume you're not here selling girl scout cookies?" the joke fell flat and she bit her lip before she let him in and closed the door. Her usual banter was gone and she just didn't have the heart for it all. She tried to keep her shoulders from sagging with shame and felt she did mostly alright as she gestured to a chair in the living room and sat down across from it. Crossing her legs at the ankles she regarded him quietly and waited for him to speak. After all, he had come to visit her not the other way around.

[jp Van Der Berg]

Jordan stood at the door, nervous, wondering who would open the door, he hoped to god it was Marina, he was way to nervous to talk to anyone else. Then he heard the click of the door and it opened, there she was, Marina, Jordan sighed a bit in relief, since Marina was the one to answer the door, she asked him to come in, making a joke about him selling Girl Scout cookies. He chuckled at her little joke as he greeted her and made his way in. “Well, you got a point” he said as he walked in. They made their way to the living room, he followed her as he looked around at the place, scouting the area, it was a pretty neat place, bigger than what he was used too. Once they got in the living room, he sat down as she sat across him and he looked up at her and smiled at her.

He fiddled a bit with the edge of his shirt as he tried to talk to Marina, he was pretty nervous about it all, he didn’t know how to talk about it. How he ran off the other way, he must have freaked her out a bit or she probably thought he was weird. “So I really wanted to talk about last time” he sighed as he looked at her concerned and a bit worried. “I’m really sorry about what happened, I just suddenly felt scared and I needed to get out of there, I didn’t have any control of what was going on.” He told her as he continued to fiddle with his shirt nervously, he just wasn’t sure what was going on with himself and here he was trying to explain himself to Marina but he wasn’t sure what was going on with himself.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She felt awkward with this man here. There was no two ways about it. His emotions swung from guilty to justified and back again and she just wanted to shake him. While she did understand better than anyone how someone could feel many things at once she was really getting tired of all the moral ambiguity of people. This man had delved into her mind, her private thoughts, admittedly on accident, but he had, and was making excuses for it. She wanted to slap him. HARD. Still, one did not survive being Reginald Sinclaire's daughter unless you learned how to perfect a mask of indifference.

She didn't speak for a long time. She just digested his words as she tried to keep her game face up, and then signed, "You delved into my private thoughts and then panicked at a memory I had. While I do understand your position it still hurt that you did that, JP." she was honest and tried to be as kind as she could be, "Its hard enough being a victim of incest without someone throwing it in your face. I mean its not like I don't that its wrong. I've been dealing with it since I was seven. You asked me how I could deal with the press? I grew up having to put up a mask because my dad bought everyone off. Doctors, therapists, police." there was bitterness there, "So yeah I get that you wanted to run. Lord knows I tried to myself but I got dragged back every time and beaten. Normally I'd sugar coat this stuff for you, spare your feelings and shrug it off and say "Oh its no big deal." but the fact is I don't know when you are going to delve into my darkest moments and throw them in my face so I'm not gonna lie to you. My life sucks. I've tried to kill myself five times. Nearly succeeded three. It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy and it hurts. It hurts carrying something I don't want inside me. It hurts that I watched my mother be murdered because she tried to protect me. It hurts that I can't go off and be with a guy I love because I have to be the diplomat and not be selfish because a man is in love with me and needs me as his anchor for what it is to be human. It hurts that I've got an ex who is stalking me on top of that and I can't get him to stop and it hurts that I can never have a normal life because I've got to help everyone else mend their broken hearts and hurt feelings at the cost of my own and It hurts that the only brother I have left would probably kill me as soon as look at me."

She felt the pain wash over her, the hurt she'd been bottling up inside her finally breaking through the mask she wore and how no one would ever understand or accept her truely, "So yeah I'm sorry you went through all that because no one should have to deal with any of that because its my cross to bear not yours. I don't know what is going on with you, JP but I am sorry if any of that has hit you in any way." tears flowed down her face and she felt someone, probably a servant, hand her a handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes and tried to staunch the flow as the weight of everything just hit her.

[jp Van Der Berg]

Suddenly he felt it was probably a bad idea that he came here, that he interrupted her. She was really letting him have it, telling him all she needed to say and on a roll, not giving him much room to get anything in. The more she said things, the more he felt bad, the more he wished he didn’t come here and interrupt her. That he was better off just leaving it. But it all just bothered him for so much, for so long, he just felt he had to come try to make it right by here, but it seemed he didn’t want anything to do with him. Like she wished he never went into her head, but he never wanted to, he never meant too, at this point he didn’t have much control of what was going on with himself. It all happened randomly to be honest, he had no idea when or how he would channel people’s dreams and thoughts but, it happened and there wasn’t much he could do about it because he had no idea how to control it. But he did want to make it right by her, once she finished up her banter, he sighed a bit, like the lashing he just got was over. He looked at him, droopy eyed, feeling regretful and saddened by her story, he just didn’t know what to say to her but he knew one thing for sure, he kind of had a connection with her now, he did get a glimpse of what her life was like.

He looked at her, full of concern and regret as he tried to talk to her. “I…I know how you feel, when…when I saw the visions, I could feel exactly what it was you were going through, I could feel how scared you were, it’s why I ran away, not that I wanted too but, my body, all it told me to do was run and it’s all I could do” he said with a face full of concerned “I never meant for it to happen and it just scared me” he said following it with a sigh. “But…I wanted to make it good again, like when I saw your mother, in my visions, my body, it felt safe, it felt happy, it felt good and I could help you wuth that” he said a bit more eager, because he wanted to make things with her right again, he never meant to hurt her but by the looks of things, he really did. “I can do it again, if you’d let me try. It could maybe help you, help you feel better?” he asked her with concerned, hoping she would, he just wanted to make things okay again.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

"Nonono, its not that I'm that angry at you for it. I don't mind letting you try I just don't want you to think badly of me, J.P." said softly, "I don't want to fill your head with the bad things just the good." she admitted to him. "I'm not mad at you I'm mad at myself for causing you pain. I'm mad that these things still hurt me. Does that make sense?" she said softly as she looked at him and dried her tears, "I'll try to help you if I can but please forgive me if anything hurts you. I never meant for anyone to see those." she said gently as she regarded him with a watery smile.

"We can try again if you want but please tell me if you pick up bad things and try not to hate me?" she said softly to him as she bit her lip shyly at him. "You seem nice and I want you to feel safe with me." she said gently to him as she offered her hand to him.

[jp Van Der Berg]

Well she explained herself, but he just knew he could do this, he could make her feel good if he tapped into some good memories. But she wasn’t angry, which was good, he didn’t want to rub her the wrong way, but she was okay with him trying this again, doing this again. He was nervous about it all as he smiled at her, trying to let her know he was okay. “Oh you shouldn’t worry about that, you can’t judge someone unless you actually know how they feel, and funny enough, I do” He said with a slight smile. He then took out his hands, awaiting her to place her hand in his as he closed his eyes and prepare himself for whatever is to come next. He’d hoped he’d seen the worse the day they met, so hopefully nothing can be as bad as that.

He could feel her hands in his as he was suddenly in her head, in her memories, in her thoughts and then there it was, he hated doing this feeling nervous, unsure about himself. But he was channeling her thoughts, he was in her head, he was going through all her memories and mixed bits of emotions filled his body. Then the vision was back, it was near the one he saw before, he saw this guy, he saw him, winking at him, treating him weird, giving him slight glances, he hated the feeling he was getting, his body was feeling horrible, he felt scared, worried, he was just dealing with this, he was dealing with all his fears, well Marina’s fears. It was worrying him, he was just scared, he wanted t run again, he wanted to go away. He then suddenly released his hand from Marina’s his eyes wide open, scared shitless.

He was breathing heavily, he was scared, he was worried, he worried he made Marina feel all of this all over again, he looked at her, he felt bad again, he knew if he did this in his state, it might have went bad. He looked at her worried, trying to calm down. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was nervous and usually when I’m nervous it all goes wrong, I need to calm down, I really want to make you feel good, I just need to focus.” He was right, he needed to calm, he needed to change things and help her feel good, he could tell she was in a lot of pain and making her feel good would help her a lot. He tried to smile at her. “I can try again, and if it goes wrong, we’ll just stop, but I promise, if it does go good, you’d feel much better” he tried calm her a bit. He wanted to help every way he can.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She sighed softly and placed her hands in his, "I warned you." she murmured softly as she looked into his eyes. She felt her memories wash over the two of them. The sheer paranoia that her father evoked in her every day. The worry that one day it would all come crashing down into something that might irrevocably change her to a being that was a statistic. She exhaled as she felt that fear wash over and seem to be doubled. Using her empathy she did her best to control the spiral of fear and tried to neutralize it. Her eyes locking with his as she projected reassurance. "I know you can do this. Remember its not you and its in the past. The past memories can be strong but you live in the now."

"Just breathe, J.P. You're safe. Nothing is going to hurt you. Those are my memories not yours. Don't let them overwhelm you." she said softly as she let him try to get control over himself. It was ironic the way he was acting you'd think they were having sex. "I appreciate you trying to make me feel good, JP. We can keep trying. There are good things in my head too." she smiled at him and projected calmness at him, "There is an advantage to working with an empath, you don't have to feel bad for very long." she said softly as she smiled and tried her best to bring him to a happier place for himself.

"We can try when you're ready." she said as she offered her hands to him. A bit of reassurance projecting from her as she looked into those gorgeous blue eyes. Her cheeks pinking slightly.

[jp Van Der Berg]

Jordan was trying to catch his breath as Marina tried to comfort him, make him feel better, make him feel at ease, which was a bit ironic since that is what he wanted for Marina. But she was willing to give it another try, this made him feel better, but he had to calm down, that’s why it went all wrong. “I’m sorry, when I’m nervous it goes bad, I just need to calm down a bit” he said as he was slowly coming at ease, he smiled slightly as she offered her hands and he took his hand out and as she placed them in his again and he slowly calmed himself and freed his mind of worries as he closed his eyes slowly and once again tried channeling Marina’s memories.

He could see suddenly images before him, much like before but those just went passed him, to earlier memories, to more playful memories then the images suddenly stopped and he was in a garden of sorts, he saw beautiful flowers, and then suddenly he heard the song again, the song he heard the last time when he touched Marina, he could see the woman, the woman Marina said was her mother, he could see them holding hands, walking across what seemed like a park, he could hear the laughter, her laughter and marina’s laughter, his body, was suddenly at ease, he felt happy, he felt comfortable, he felt the pain in his toe he hit before he came here slowly fade away, all worries, all sadness everything was gone, he just felt happy.

A slight smile cam over his face, with his eyes still closed, he then tried to get Marina’s attention. “Do you feel that? “ he asked, a bit excited, he hoped he’d been connected to her long enough for her to feel exactly what he was feeling, the same happiness, careless feeling he was feeling from Marina, when she was younger, when she was a young little girl. His body was suddenly a rod of happiness, whoever touched him, was suddenly going to feel joy, feel happiness in their lives again. Feel like there was nothing wrong in this world. His smile, suddenly turned into a slight chuckle, all he could think was Marina was sure a really happy gal when she was with her mother.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Mari relaxed once she felt JP calm down. her eyes sparkling gently as she stretched and let his mind settle down. Her form was calm and she was happily that she had done something useful to help him. She wasn't even mad at him any more. She saw how much he hadn't meant to hurt her. He was basically a good person with a very powerful gift. She thought about how to help him hone his gift or even if she could. She was a cupid and it in no way made her an expert. She'd do her best but she knew that there was a limit on what she could do. Inwardly she sighed and had to accept her limitations even if she didn't want to. "You'll do fine." she said reassuringly to him.

Then she felt the memory spring to her mind and she sighed happily, "I remember and yes, I feel it." she giggled as she remembered how safe and happy she always felt safe with her mother and life had been good as far as she knew of it. She knew there were bad patches like everyone else had but compared to life with her father that time was wonderful. Her eyes brimmed with happiness and she looked up at him. "I feel it, JP." she said gently as she regarded him with warmth and gratitude. She brushed her hair out of her eyes and sighed softly. "I'm glad you get to see what a wonderful lady my mom was. I did have good memories." she grinned at him and relaxed in the happiness he evoked.

[jp Van Der Berg]

Jordan felt he did enough, Marina seemed happy, she seemed calm, she seemed less broken than when he first met her, well he could feel it, when he opened his eyes slightly he could notice the smile on her face, her emotions were better, she felt better he noticed. He couldn’t help but grin a bit and feel accomplished, for once, he managed to actually use his new found abilities properly. “Thank you” he said with his grin on as he slowly removed his hands aways from Marina’s breaking the connection they had, and he could feel all the happiness leaving his body and hopefully some of it stays with Marina. He smiled at her, again, feeling like da shit master awesomeness “well I think this was a success, I’m really glad it worked out” he said to her as he tried getting a bit comfortable on the chair.

“I’m really glad I could help you with this, in a way you kind of helped me too” he suggested, which was true, he always slightly channeled people, making them feel better, making them feel bad but he never understood how it all worked and doing this with Marina really helped him figure out how he could use his new found powers and what he could do with it. He wasn’t sure what to tell Marina though, about all he’d seen and he wasn’t going to ask about her mother. It all made him slightly awkward, knowing so much about someone without really knowing them. “So I guess I better get going” he smiled slightly. “At least now you know who to call, when you need a pick me up” he suggested, which he wouldn’t mind doing at all.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She beamed at the blond haired blue eyed gentleman that sat across from her, "Its always good to remember my mother. She was a great lady." she agreed as she stretched a bit and picked up on his curiosity and sense of accomplishment. "You have questions?" she asked him as he seemed to debate things within himself for a little bit.

She grinned at his comment of learning how to use his gifts, "I'm happy to help, JP. Lets me know I'm making a difference and helping others." she admitted as she looked into those Mediterranean blue eyes, "In this world its harder to know than ever." she shrugged and relaxed a bit more as he got up to go and collected his bag, "I'll definitely consider it, JP but if you have questions about my mom or anything you saw just let me know. I'd be happy to help you out if you need it. I don't know what specific questions you have but it might help you out a bit to have questions answered." She nodded as a servant brought them tea and cake for a light snack. Mari looked back and smiled softly, "I understand if you need to go but you should probably eat something. Using your gifts like that takes a lot out of a person and they need to replenish it."

[jp Van Der Berg]

She wondered if he was doing okay, she obviously saw he was still fuzzy on some things but he didn’t want to bother her with his things, he didn’t want to let her in on some of the other visions he saw, he had a lot of her memory in his head now, lots of it but he didn’t want to burden her with anything. Especially after he helped her feel better already. “No, I’m good” he said with a smile. “Just a lot of new things about me to figure out I guess” he chuckled slightly.

She wanted him to stay, she wanted to know if he wanted to talk he could stay, but he really didn’t have anything to say, he just wanted to clear his mind, he wanted to take a break and just get everything out of his head. “No, no, I think it’s best I go and get me some rest, a nap or so, I’ve got enough of you in my head now” he chuckled slightly. He got up as he smiled at Marina and offered up to give her a hug. “Thank you so much Marina for your help” which he was thankful for of course, he managed to do something kind for a change. He was just thankful he could help her feel better, last time they talked he noticed she was in a lot of pain and even if it would last a short while, Marina deserved to feel pain free and happy, and Jordan hoped he accomplished that today.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

"Well if anything comes up you let me know. I just don't want you having problems with my memories in your head." she admitted quietly and looked into those big blue eyes of his and settled herself a bit. Her shoulders relaxing and her form sitting up straighter.

Beaming at him she hugged him gently and rested her chin on his shoulder a moment before she stepped back, "Call me if you have any problems okay? I hope you have a good rest. I know I'll sleep well tonight." she nodded as she walked with him to the door and opened it for him. "I'll see you around, JP take care."

She walked away from the door, the slight hitch in her step from her disability. Her blue dress swaying with her as she let her thoughts wander elsewhere for the moment. There was much to do and very little time to do it in.