Thinking (Rodney)

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Marina sat out in the sunset and watched the colors gleam brightly as she watched them shift from gold to orange then to red and purple before turning dark. She had a lot on her mind and didn't know what to do about it. Life was suddenly complicated beyond all expectations.

Sighing she brushed her golden hair over her shoulder. She wore a pink hoodie and blue jeans and was trying to get a jump on her homework before she went in for surgery. She hadn't seen Trent in a while but it had been near finals and he'd been studying so she could totally relate to that. Knowing that the woman she thought of as a Mother had a romantic past with him made her brain hurt. What was it with the supernatural community? Were there so few of them that they were all incestuous with each other? She hoped not but sometimes it felt like you couldn't throw a rock without hitting someone you know.

She would just have to wait on Trenton and see what he had to say for himself. He may have had a totally different perspective. Her father wanted a lot of things but it didn't mean it was going to happen. She stretched and shifted her neck back and forth.

Then there was Rodney. Her father was convinced there was more than friendship in his overtures. He was firm in his belief that no man would risk their life for a woman unless sex or permanency was involved. He pointed out that Philip had sold her out for the right price and that every man had one. Women, money, power. Dad would buy him off or kill him or both. It was a mess.

[mooshi]

Rodney walked out of the Science building. It was the worst thing ever having a 4:30 biology class. He didn’t really like the class to begin with and then the fact that he had to go to the high school to hold practice for the football students at 3:00 and then race back to campus was not fun. Especially when his knee was killing him. He had begun doing some running with Mandy which at first he thought would be a good thing. Although now that he was in so much pain, he wasn’t sure if working it was the best way to go. He limped down the stairs and headed towards the dorms. It was already 8:30 at night and the sun was just now going down. Oh and that was another reason he hated his night class. Just because really went into the night. He had the lecture and then the lab right after. All he could see himself doing now was getting home and going to bed. Screw studying for the night.

Besides, he had other things on his mind. Like how the hell he was going to find Trenton, and what the heck was going on with Marina. It had only been three days since their little encounter in the hospital, and he was pretty sure Reginald had been keeping a good eye on Rodney just to make sure he didn’t ever see Marina again. He had promised her in the hospital that he would see her again, and well, it just wasn’t going the way he had hoped. Everything was just so crazy. He now had the determination to do something he would never ever have imagined he’d be able to do. All because of his relationship with Marina. He didn’t realize until that incident how important Marina was to him. Now, all he could think about was keeping her safe. He hadn’t even talked to Merry in a few days either. This was insane.

As he made it around the cafeteria building, Rodney could see someone sitting in the courtyard outside of the dormitories. It wasn’t uncommon to see people watching the sunset. It was a beautiful sight and very relaxing to watch after a long day of classes. When he got closer, he noticed right away that it was Marina. A smile spread across his face. Maybe seeing her wouldn’t be as hard as he thought after all. He was coming up behind her, and before he reached her, he scanned the area around him. He wasn’t really sure what Reginald would do. When it came to threatening people, he seemed very unpredictable. Rodney tried to keep that in mind the past few days.

Rodney walked up behind her and rested his hand on her shoulder, as he attempted to get down in the grass next to her. It hurt him, but he’d be fine. Once he was settled next to her in the grass, he glanced at her squinting from the sun that was still peeking its way through the clouds. “Hey you. Everything alright?”

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Marina sensed Rodney before she saw him. She could feel his knee throbbing as if it were her own, he really needed to get it looked at before he damaged it. She exhaled softly and felt his determination to see her. He wanted to fix things and give her a safe place to be but when you live with an incubus that can read other peoples dreams to drain them it makes it kind of hard to escape.

Her hair was lit up like fire by the fading sun as she turned and looked at him. She smiled softly as he put his hand on her shoulder than sat down on the ground as awkwardly as she did. What a pair they make between the two of them they were limping horribly. "Hey there. Yeah I'm as fine as I can be, I guess." she said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked at him, "You sure you want to be seen with me? I seem to just be good at getting you in trouble." she said softly as she looked at him apologetically, "I'm sorry my dad's such a freak. My family is really messed up...what's left of it anyway." she shrugged and then rested her head on her knees as she regarded him, "You deserve a friend that's not got so many issues." she added softly.

She felt a sense come over her from his touch, normally she had to touch an item to get a sense for stuff, "Be careful Rodney. My dad is likely to say things to Trent that make it hard for you to talk to him. If you see him let him know your side. Hopefully I'll see him before you do and let him know what happened. I don't want him freaking out." the last time Trent had felt the need to intervene cheerleaders had died. Her life was just so messed up no matter which way she looked.

[mooshi]

”Of course I’d want to be seen with you. And you really aren’t getting me into trouble. I promise. I probably would have gotten into trouble at some point anyway.” He chuckled. And when she continued on with her apology, Rodney just sighed and moved his hand to her back rubbing it gently. He gave her a smile. “You really have to stop apologizing. You’re father’s way of handling things has nothing to do with you, Marina. That is just how he is, right? You know it. I know it. We just have to deal with it for now until we can figure something out.” When she rested her head on his knees he smiled down at her. “Now what is the fun in that?” He was just joking. The fact that her father was destroying her life was really not fun at all, and it was affecting the relationship that Rodney and Marina had. But what could they do at this point. He still had yet to talk to Trenton, and he wouldn’t’ be able to do this on his own.

And just as Rodney’s thoughts jumped from Marina to Trenton and his plans to ‘deal’ with Marina’s father, Marina knew something was different. He didn’t know how she did that, but she just knew when he had a change of thought, and sometimes he even knew that specific change in thought. He swore she was a psychic or something, but that wasn’t possible, and he decided to even joke about something so ridiculous. “Marina, it’ll be fine, okay? I already know exactly how I’m going to deal with Trenton.” He really didn’t know for sure how to deal with Trenton, but he would figure something out. Right now, he just wanted Marina to know that he hadn’t given up, and he was still trying. In all honesty though, he was worried about talking to Trenton. He really wasn't sure if Trenton was truely loyal to Reginald or if he was just doing what Reginald wanted so that he could keep an eye on Marina. The way Marina talked about him, it seemed that it might be a bit of both which made him uneasy. “Well, if you do see him before I do, just mention me to him. Tell him I want to talk. But right now, I really just think you should worry about yourself.” He nodded at her brushing a piece of her hair away from her face. “If I can’t watch over you, someone’s got to.” He smiled softly. He really missed Marina. It was strange how they were sort of thrust into the situation they were in now, but seeing her daily had become a normal thing. Now he hadn’t seen her in three days, and she was all that was on his mind.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

Marina wanted to say a lot of things to Rodney. The trouble was when he started to rub her back she all but oozed onto the grass. It was rare for anyone to come into physical contact with her much less actually hit a spot on her body that was sore and in need of a massage. The back rub just made her toes curl and her brain want to shut down. It was wreaking merry havok with her senses as she projected just how happy the backrub made her. She felt like a cat being petted and almost purred from it, "Its hard to think straight when you do that." she got out in a stupid sounding voice that didn't sound like it minded at all.

Warning bells went off in her head. Was her dad right? Did Rodney have a crush on her? He was certainly at that in between stage as far as her senses could tell. She smiled softly at him as he moved a strand of hair out of her eyes, "I just don't want to be a burden to you. I mean my dad is convinced you've got a crush on me and I'm just trying to keep him from getting too mad. He's just had a lot going on. And there are things about me that you don't know that might...make you not want to be around me." she said as she looked down at her sneakers. Her eyes looked sad and she didn't know if she could tell him but she knew she had to. He should know just how broken she was.

[mooshi]

Rodney grinned when she told him that it was basically hard for her to even concentrate when he was rubbing her back. But he had the urge to be near her, touch her, spend time with her. The last thing they shared together was that small kiss he planted on her forehead before he left her room at the hospital. He would have help her for so much longer after that whole scene that ensued between her father and Rodney, but the doctor had told them that they needed to leave. And Rodney knew that if he didn’t leave, Reginald wouldn’t leave either. So, he left knowing that it was probably better for Marina anyways. She didn’t need her father in there at that moment especially after everthing.

Rodney sighed when Marina told him that she didn’t want to burden him. It bothered him more than anything when Marina said that. She made it sound like she thought that he thought she was just a chore to him. That wasn’t the case at all. He wanted more than anything to protect her and keep her safe. After his discovery at the hospital of how horrible Reginald really treated Marina, he was seriously considering just them taking a very long trip together to Egypt or something. But why did he feel that way? I mean, Rodney had always been one to be kind and generous to people and even help them out when they needed it the most. But that was on a friend level. What he was doing for Marina. How strongly he felt about the situation. What did all of that mean? For his whole life, he had always been that calm and collective person being able to deal with any type of situation. But Marina was different. For some reason, being around her made him do things he’d never done before. But why? And when Marina continued on about how her father thought that Rodney had a crush on her, it finally registered to him. Could that be it? He’d been so wrapped up in everything going on with Mari and everything going on with Merry and Connor, that he hadn’t really seen what was possibly sitting right in front of him.

Rodney had already stopped rubbing her back, and he hadn’t even realized it. What pulled him from his own thoughts was when Marina told him that there were things about her that he didn’t know that would make him not want to be around her. Why would she even think that? After everything they had already been through. There really wasn’t much else that she could tell him that would be any more plausible for him to have reason to leave than what he had already found out. But she’d probably been left before, and he knew she’d been treated poorly. So, it was understandable for her to feel way.

Rodney watched as her eyes went to her sneakers, and he wished he could go back to rubbing her back when she looked happy. “Hey, Marina, please don’t think for one second that there is anything you can tell me that would change anything.” Rodney wasn’t getting the response he wanted. He gently reached down and lifted up her chin moving in closer to her their eyes now meeting each others. “Because no matter what you say, I’m not leaving, okay?” He had only grabbed her chin and gotten closer to her so he could get her attention, but now that he was in this position, he didn’t want to move. His eyes moved from hers to the rest of her face. In that moment, all he could think was how beautiful she was. And as if he had no control over any of his thoughts anymore, his hand slid from under her chin to grip softly the side of her face. In this swift movement he pulled her towards her and pressed his lips to hers forgetting every little thing that had happened thus far. Forgetting about Merry for one second of his life and focusing on the now. What was right.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She could tell he was thinking about their time in the hospital. That tinge of worry and wanting to help was there tickling at the edges as he rubbed her back and she really didn't know what to say to make him calm down and step away from his feelings. She knew it was deeper than just friends and she was at a total loss as to why he would care so much. The sun was starting to fade in the background as twilight gave way to nighttime. She could hear crickets chirping and the sound of the wind blowing with the cooling of the city.

When he began to clue into his feelings she wanted to face palm hard. She thought by mentioning it he'd feel guilty or get defensive like most men did when you told them they were a sensitive guy but Rodney was a different man altogether. He didn't puff up or deny it. He didn't do the "Aw shucks!" routine he just started examining his feelings. Not that she could pick anything specific but he was mulling things over in his mind. Feeling kept shifting and when it hit him it took everything she had not to burst out loud with something. He didn't know she was psychic. He didn't know about the supernatural. That was his shelter and she didn't have the heart to tell him otherwise.

She had curled up even more and kept her eyes downcast as she bit her lip. Her eyes going round as she picked up on his shifting of his thoughts to her. He was so off on his thinking. He wanted to protect her?? No one could. It wasn't lack of willpower it was a sheer lack of ability. Her father was a demon and Rodney would die just like the others who had tried to protect her. That thought made her eyes well up. She had to tell him enough to convince him that she wasn't worth saving but it hurt to bring up her past and even then he'd probably just stick all the tighter for it like Trenton.

She looked into his eyes when he lifted up her chin. "Rodney there are things I haven't told you...." she said earnestly as she met his gaze, "You need to know...I'm not...." She didn't know what to do. Diffusing abuse was something she was sort of good at but romance? That wasn't something in her repitour. She had to break this thought but she didn't know how, "Rodney..." then she was pulled towards him and all but fell into his lap from surprise. She felt his chest against her hand and then his lips met hers.

Her first instinct was surprise. It came out of nowhere after all (or so she told herself to keep from being beaten later), and she felt her body go weak as if someone had fired an electric current through her. All thought at that stage ceased and she closed her eyes and kissed him back, leaning against him as she couldn’t tell up from down. She felt her toes curl and her whole body felt wired in a good way. She couldn’t help projecting that back out to Rodney as she sat there and the kiss continued. She felt the beat of his heart against her hands as she tried to keep as much balance as she could. Everything was spinning away and there was just this moment. On a purely physical level it felt nice. Very nice. There weren't words in the dictionary for it. Emotionally? She couldn't think for all the hormones that were rushing through her. When you've not done much with the opposite sex a kiss the most amazing thing you can feel because your body just has nothing else to compare it to. She'd been too scared to do more than kiss. It was all she knew really and she enjoyed it for all it was worth.

She leaned in and kissed him once more after she had caught her breath, her mouth open to him as she felt the world getting further and further away with this moment. For once in her life her brain stopped thinking five steps ahead and stopped worrying. She let go, completely and utterly and enjoyed something for her instead of thinking of others. This moment was hers. Suddenly it was like a switch clicked on in her head. A wash of feelings hit her and she held on, the intensity of the moment seeming threefold as she trembled with it. It felt like when the love spell had gone off but on a more personal level. Her body shivered with the feeling of it and she clung to Rodney to keep from falling over. She was completely oblivious to anyone but Rodney. She moaned hungrily into the kiss and pressed against him trying to keep the loneliness at bay.

Finally, reality crept in and with it, the realization of what she was doing. She pulled away slowly and tried to catch her breath. She had this stupid urge to kiss him of her own volition again and looked down to keep from doing just that; Feeling the grass beneath her as she let her senses come back online. What had just happened? She placed a palm to her forehead. Her body felt quivery as if every nerve was alive and sending her information.

“Wow.” She said in a breathy voice. She really didn’t know what else to say. She was too shocked to do much more than glance up at him and blush with a huge, I just won the lotto, grin, “Rodney that was…wow.” Great she was a total loser. She couldn’t come up with anything more profound than Wow? What the hell was wrong with her?? Then reality kicked her. What was she thinking??? Her dad was going to kill her. She felt a cold dread fill her and it replaced the warm feelings from moments before. Her father had made it very clear to her what she should be doing and it wasn’t kissing Rodney Brentel outside the dorms. She didn’t know what to think any more. This had never happened to her in her life. She continued to flush as she tried to say something. “I guess this means we need to talk?” she said softly.

She couldn’t move in with a guy who was dating someone else and had just kissed her. It just wasn’t acceptable. Not that moving in with someone who liked her was bad but it was just a lot of pressure. She wasn’t the type to put out, not that Rodney would expect it, but when you lived with a guy things could happen and she still wasn’t ready for those types of things to happen. It was just confusing as hell to her. She couldn’t even talk to her dad about it, and what about Trenton? Oh goodness she was a horrible person. She’d totally kissed a guy her father hated and completely lost track of her thoughts. It was just so hard, she didn’t know whether Trent liked her romantically or as just a “I like you but not in a wedding bells way.” She didn’t know what to do. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it was the sunset or her perfume. That was probably it. It wouldn’t happen again. It couldn’t happen again. She’d just pretend like their faces had slipped and…now that was stupid. Faces slipping? She didn’t even buy that one. Stress? Yes, it was a hormonal stress surge brought on by everything she had been through the last few days. Problem was there was no cosmic event like a love spell to explain kissing Rodney. Heavens, she hadn’t gotten freaky with Trenton and she’d been in the city when that love bomb went off. Of course she had wanted to. Lord knew she’d wanted to, but she’d kept it together like a boss. She just needed to put her big girl panties on about this thing with Rodney…well after they were changed…and be an adult. Adult, yeah that’s why she wanted to kiss him again. She resisted the urge to dunk her head in the fountain and tried to move away without making things more heated.

[mooshi]

Rodney could feel her body loosen as their lips touched. He wasn’t expecting this. He didn’t walk over to her and plop down next to her with the intention of kissing all up on her. Not that he was against it. Hell, he was the one that made the move. But why? Rodney had never been one to go for anything like this. Was Reginald right? Just the thought of him would have made Rodney angry, but there was nothing in the world that could make him any less happy than he was right now.

The kiss had lasted longer than Rodney had anticipated, but it was Marina, and when it came to Marina, all of his feelings were unexpected. He could feel himself changing drastically lately. He was never one to get involved with other peoples’ business, but it seemed like he had no bounds when it came to Marina. When he thought about her, the first thing he wanted to do was protect her and take her away from the shitty life she was dealt. But now that they had kissed, things had changed. It wasn’t just about protection anymore was it? There were other feelings that Rodney didn’t take the time to realize he had until now. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to think about those possible feelings. It was just the fact that he knew he’d feel guilty about them because of Merry. But was his connection with Merry even going anywhere? He wanted to think that it was because of all the time and effort he spent hoping. But as he sat here on the grass at the University of LA with Marina Sinclaire pouring into his lap, he really didn’t feel any guilt whatsoever for what he was doing. Had it really taken him this long to understand that maybe Merry wasn’t the one for him? When he opened his heart up to Merry and kissed her right after her performance, he didn’t receive the reaction he was looking for. She didn’t reject him by any means, but she was confused and hesitant. He wasn’t sure if that was because of her feelings for Connor or because she really didn’t feel that way for him. They hadn’t spoken since then, but it didn’t matter. There was still apprehension there. He could sense it. And when he kissed the person he loved, that wasn’t the reaction he was hoping for. This, this right here with Marina. This was the reaction he had wanted. The heat of the moment. The passion that radiated off her lips. The connection that she shared with him. The longing that seemed to reside on those lips even as she pulled away to allow herself room to breathe. It was all what he had pictured.

When Marina pulled away, he moved with her eventually pulling back as well. Rodney really didn’t know what to say. It was unexpected for the both of them. But when Marina finally spoke and glanced up at him with flushed cheeks and a grin the size Jupiter, Rodney couldn’t help but return the smile and chuckle. He shook his head still smiling. “Yeah, tell me about it.” After he said that, there was a bit of silence, and he was really kicking himself for it too. There was a lot going through his mind. What did this mean for him and Marina? What did this mean for his new found plans to kill her father? Were things moving too fast with Marina? What did she even mean that there were things she hadn’t told him? His mind was racing, but one thing was for certain. This scene had changed everything. Regardless of if it happened on purpose or in spur of the moment. It had happened, and now they really did have to figure out what was going to happen. And it was almost like Marina was reading his mind because her next question basically covered all of his own questions for her. He nodded. “Yeah, we probably should.” Rodney was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. How was he supposed to tell Marina what just happened when he couldn’t even explain it. He sighed. “I…I don’t really know what just…um,” Rodney scratched at the stubble on his chin. “I mean I wasn’t….that wasn’t on purpose. I mean not that I didn’t like it. I mean it was awesome!” Rodney felt like a complete idiot. That last comment was said with way too much enthusiasm. He shook his head. “I’m just trying to say that I don’t know what that was….and I don’t really know what it means right now.” He paused to look up at her. He gave her a soft smile. “But I really enjoyed it.” He thought his explanation was settle. He was completely honest with her which is what he promised he would always be.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

"That was amazing, Rodney but there are things you have to know about me. Its not fair to not tell you." she said as she shivered and cupped his cheeks, "Its hard for me to talk about it." she leaned in and touched her forehead to his and bit her lip, both her hands on either side of his face gently touching his cheeks as she tried to center herself. Her body trembling as she sat there in his lap.

Exhaling softly, "I..." she closed her eyes, "I used to have 12 brothers. A few died just after I was born and in Afghanistan. But w-when I w-was six. My eldest brother...." she exhaled softly and tried to screw up her courage. "My parents were gone on a vacation and Ezra was in his forties so they didn't think anything of it. He was an adult and he was family..." she shivered, "He hurt me. He did things to me. He m-m-molested me." she shivered in his lap and tried not to lose herself. "My father came home early and he walked in on my brother...." she flushed crimson and couldn't look at him. Fear that he would be disgusted, "My father lost it. He completely lost it. I've never seen anyone do the things he did to my brother. He killed him Rodney. He murdered him in my old room and I saw it...."

Shivering she felt herself going cold, "I'm not saying what my dad did was right but Ezra was trying to kill me, Rodney. I saw it in his eyes. I still don't know how I survived some of it. But most of my brothers were like Ezra." she rubbed the back of her neck, "My mom tried to leave my dad and took me with her. She wanted a divorce because of what Ezra did to me and dad didn't stand for it. One night he showed up and he and mom fought. She fell and hit her head and stopped moving....Dad took me home and I never saw her again."

Her face was white as she looked up at him, "Rodney my dad has killed people he thought were going to hurt me or who tried to. He's killed seven of my brothers for hurting me. His own sons. He kept them from hurting me and yes I know he does and he's sick and very messed up but if it wasn't for him I'd be dead."

She leaned against him gently and tried to focus herself a bit more, her hands trembled as she gently touched either side of his face, needing the contact to keep from losing herself to the memories in her head. "He paid off my last boyfriend and had him killed Rodney. I didn't we didn't...do anything but my father didn't want him showing up again. Dad has my rooms locked off from the rest of the house because of what my brothers did. Its got its own security system and there are guards, all female, and cameras...well not in any kinky places but in the public rooms. He's paranoid and afraid, Rodney. He's dangerous when he gets scared or angry. You have to be careful. He doesn't want you getting in the way of what he wants to happen. He wants Trent to marry me. Not that Trent has said he would; but its what my dad wants. And yes I know its messed up but my dad is a very insistent things go his way."

She smiled when he said he enjoyed the kiss, "I don't know what it means either but I enjoyed it. I've only ever kissed before but that was the best one I've ever had and it was wonderful." she blushed and looked up at his eyes finally, "I've been trying to tell you how broken I am. I get scared and have panic attacks and nightmares." she brushed her hair out of her eyes, "The only other person I've told is Trenton and that's because he's my body guard and needs to know if something is scaring me so he can help."

"I just know I liked that kiss and part of me wants to kiss you again. I-I'm sorry if that's bad of me but I do." she flushed as she said it and bit her lip, "I don't mean any harm by it please don't think bad of me for it." She was still in his lap and shaking at the thought he might not understand, then she had a lightbulb moment. "I also am really good at reading body language so sometimes if it seems like I pick up on things its kinda because of how you move. I had to take some classes about it. I didn't want my dad to be mad and not realize it." She lifted her head and then moved her hands into her lap.

Looking past him a bit she noticed that the sun had set, "We should probably move but part of me just wants to stay here with you. I like spending time with you. I just don't ever want you to think badly of me, Rodney If you have questions ask me. I don't want to keep things from you." she held one of his hands in her own and "I'll answer any questions you have if I know how to."

It scared her to leave herself so open but he deserved it. She didn't want him thinking badly of her, "I'll understand if the things my brothers did make you not want to be around me. I know its not normal and its perverted and I totally understand if you don't want to talk to me any more. I really enjoyed that kiss and I wanted you to know that."

[mooshi]

Rodney’s eyes closed for a few seconds as her hands touched the sides of his cheeks. Her skin was warm against his, and it felt nice. Her forehead touched his and he smiled. When she pulled away, he opened his eyes to watch hers. He could tell that she was nervous. It was just a sense that he had when he was around people. He was able to see things that others couldn’t. He knew that she was probably going to tell him those ‘things’ that she had mentioned before. He could feel her trembling and getting a bit upset. He knew it had to be something to do with her family. And as Marina continued talking to him, he had been right. All of the things from her past were coming out and being piled on to his shoulders all of which were very personal and overwhelming to him. But he listened carefully. He knew this was probably a large step for her. She was opening up to him which meant that she trusted him enough for him to know these things about her life. And boy were they some pretty intense things.

Rodney had remembered back when they had first really talked for the first time at the grocery store in his car. He had found out then that her father was abusive and very protective over her. Even at that point he had decided to be there for her if she had needed him for anything even if it was to get away for a while. And for the longest time, Marina had constantly reminded him of how dangerous her father had been. How so not good it would be to piss him off. He didn’t realize until now how serious that situation was. He had killed before. He had killed her brother Ezra and probably a few more of her siblings if they had been like Ezra which is what she had told him as well as her own mother. His own wife. And if killing his own family wasn’t bad enough, he had her boyfriend killed as well. Rodney wasn’t dumb. He could put two and two together. This man, if that is what he could even be called, got away with murder multiple times. And if he could get away with murder, than it was obvious that he could easily get away with keeping his daughter locked up and completely isolated from the world as well as abusing her on the side.

It was so hard for Rodney to stay calm right now. There was even more going through his mind now than before she even started telling him all of this. Her hands were still touching his cheeks and part of him wanted to stand up and walk away now. She had told him her deepest darkest secrets and part of him did want to run. But as he felt her hands still trembling, and her eyes looking away from him, he knew that running would ruin everything. It would ruin her along with whatever was growing between them. He couldn’t just leave her side. It wasn’t possible at this point in the game. Yes everything that she told him was overwhelming for him, but at the same time, it just made him want to be with her even more. To show her that life was better on the other side….with him. He knew they hadn’t known each other very long which probably made this whole situation seem so unrealistic. But it had indeed happened. And he had indeed decided that helping her live the life that she deserved meant more to him than anything else going on for him including Merry. Who knew he would feel this way about someone he had just met? Who knew he would feel this way about someone he at first was just there for for emotional support? He had told her that there was nothing that she could say to make him walk away now. He would keep that promise. Not because he felt like he had to, but because he wanted to. It was no longer just a situation involving Marina, Trenton, and the horrendous excuse for a father, Reginald. Rodney was involved now which meant that there were no ways around killing her father. It would happen, and he would be the one to do it. He would make sure of it. Of all the things he had done to her and to the people around her, she needed this. The only way to live the life that she deserved was to get rid of the problem. He was that problem. The idea that Marina may be upset about his death didn’t even cross his mind anymore because him in her life was more harmful to her than anything that Reginald ever tried to protect her from. But killing him wouldn’t be easy, and he knew the extent of that issue now. Killing him was going to take a lot more than a few right hooks from an athletic college kid. No, he would need help. More help than he had first thought. Reginald was smart. He needed to find a weakness besides Marina.

Marina’s hands dropped into her lap, and Rodney wanted so much for them to be back on his cheeks just so he could feel her again. Marina mentioned something about the sun and then went on assuring him that it was okay if he didn’t want to be around her anymore. Rodney looked down at her hands in her lap. He sighed softly moving both of his hands to hers. He allowed his to intertwine with hers. “Do you know what the past is, Marina?” He asked her as he lifted his eyes to her finally looking at her again. “All of this stuff happened in your past. And I know that it must have been awful for you. But there is no way that I would ever think badly of you for something that was in your past that you had no control over. I mean yeah, it was horrible, and I can’t imagine what you must have gone through and are still going through,” he shook his head, “but I’m still not going anywhere.” He chuckled. He knew that she was most likely telling him all of this to make him aware of what he was diving into. And he was aware. Yes he was a bit overwhelmed still, but he could never just throw everything away like that. Especially not to someone as amazing as she was. His fingers played along hers as he spoke again. “Marina, with everything that has happened, look at you. You are still here fighting to just be. I see how strong you have had to be to get to this point.” One of his hands moved from hers to brush across her cheek moving the hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear. “There is no way I’m walking away from that.” His hand went back to hers and his eyes dropped to look at them. “Besides. You mean too much to me for me to do that.” He was a bit embarrassed to say that. Yes he had changed in the sense that he was a bit more open with his feelings towards people. He was becoming a bit more social as well. But coming right out and basically telling her that the feelings he had for her were probably more than just a friendship was still difficult for him to say.

[Marina Anne Sinclaire]

She could sense that Rodney was mulling over what she had said. Not his exact thoughts but the emotions that were running through his mind. He was overwhelmed and felt scared and was uncertain. She shook even more as she picked up on his feelings and tears dripped down her face as she talked. He was still planning on something negative regarding her father. She didn't know what but she could sense his anger and rage at what she'd gone through.

She looked at him with surprise as he twined his fingers with hers and kept the contact even after she had broken it to give him a chance to move away. She let out a sob that she'd kept hidden in her throat and hugged him to her, shaking with pent up emotion, her body shaking with the feelings coursing through her, "I was so scared you wouldn't want to be around me any more...." she sobbed on his shoulder, "I d-di-didn't know how you'd react but I h-had to t-tell you. I w-w-wanted you to understand. I was a-af-fraid you'd be disgusted with me..." she moved back and cupped his cheeks again, looking into his eyes before she touched her forehead to his, "Thank you, Rodney. This means so much to me." she exhaled and looked into his eyes, "I'm truely blessed to know you, Rodney." she said to him with a smile as she trembled and held his face in her hands gently. "I can't imagine my life without you in it somewhere. That's why I want you to be careful. If I lost you it would kill me inside. Please promise me you'll be careful. Please?" she pleaded with him softly, "I need to know you're safe. I can deal with things but if you're hurt it would hurt my soul." He may have been embarrassed but she was sincere. She would never let an innocent be hurt because of her. There had been too many deaths.

She didn't know what things with Rodney meant. Did she even have the right to ask anything of him? He had so much to deal with she was afraid he'd snap. That was why she hated having to tell him her pain. It hurt her to see him take it all in like that. "I'm sorry if what I told you hurts you. I never wanted it to and if I could take it from you I would. I just needed you to know. I don't ever want to lie to you, Rodney. You're a wonderful person to put up with me. My first boyfriend dumped me when I told him he freaked out. I'm glad you'll still want to be around me. You and Trent are the only friends I have that know. I mean some suspect but they look the other way. They pretend not to see it because they don't know what to do but you...you saw it and it hurt to talk about it but thank you so much for staying with me." her voice cracked and she wiped her tear stained face, "I'm sorry if I messed up the kiss. I just wasn't expecting it and I'd been trying to tell you." she exhaled, "Oh goodness, I've gotten you all wet. I'm sorry, I just...cry like a baby a lot. When I get mad or frustrated or I get to happy I'm just a fountain...." she smiled softly, "You give me hope that things will get better." she whispered then kissed him lightly on the lips needing to drive away the bad feelings with something good.

She still felt that pull to open herself to him again. She didn't know why she felt the urge to be near him so strongly. To answer the feelings he was having. Normally she could separate herself from them and give back. She felt herself curl into him and that warmth that she felt around him radiated off him. Letting him decide the nature of the kiss not wanting to push him into anything given all that she had laid at his feet. She just wanted him to smile and know how much his words meant to her. Her hands curled into his hair lightly and she felt its texture as she sat there, her body shifting to press against him lightly. She didn't want to feel bad or ashamed any more and kissing him helped her release that burden.

She felt another surge of power push itself through her and she purred softly as if the acceptance that she was worth something helped fuel her change. She'd run out of words so she let the kiss do the talking for her. Wrapping her arms about him shyly to hug him closer needing the contact for reassurance as much as any other urges.

[mooshi]

Marina buried her face in his shoulder, and Rodney didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her shaking body as she stuttered through her words. He couldn’t believe how far they had come in a matter of two months. And now even though Rodney was completely overwhelmed, he was happy that Marina was able to talk to him about her life which was something he wanted more than anything. Even if it was unpleasant, at least now he could understand her. Know her. They had surpassed a level of communication. And he felt closer to her now than he ever had.

Marina pulled away from him slightly and brought her hands to his cheeks again. He could feel her forehead against his and he exhaled softly as he closed his eyes. Having her this close to him after everything she had told him made him realize how strong his feelings were for her. A normal guy would have probably walked away. Left her behind because of the ‘baggage’ that came with her. But no matter what went on with Marina, he really didn’t think anything could steer him away from her. All he wanted to do was sit here and hold her forever. But when she mentioned the importance of him staying safe, it made him feel a bit incompetent which he knew was not her intentions at all. She probably felt as protective for him as he was for her with good reason. He knew the reason she was saying these things was to try and sway any plans he might have been plotting against her father. But even though he knew it would hurt her if something happened to him, not doing anything about Reginald was hurting him even worse because he was sitting back and letting these horrible things happen to Marina. He couldn’t let it keep happening. Where Reginald was, mistreatment followed. Rodney had to get her away from this. So, with the straightest most truthful face he could muster, Rodney nodded and lied to her. “I promise.” He wasn’t sure if Marina could tell that he was lying. He hoped not. Rodney was never one to lie about anything, but the less Marina knew about his plans, the better off she’d be.

And when she went on, he began to feel a bit guilty about the little white lie he had just told her. Here she was sharing her world with him, and he wasn’t being completely honest about his feelings towards her father. But honestly, what would she do? She would try and stop him which would cause a lot more problems than he wanted Marina to have to deal with. And she wouldn’t understand. She still believed that her father was ‘broken’. Maybe it was just hard for him to understand that, but still. To him, him being broken was no excuse for the things he had put her through. He was glad that portion of the conversation moved along. He smiled at her when she thanked him for staying with her. “Well, like I said, I’m not going anywhere. And you didn’t hurt me. I’m glad you told me, Marina.”

The conversation seemed to take a turn of events. She brought up the kiss again which made him blush a bit. He shook his head. “No way did you screw that up.” He placed his hand on the side of her thigh and rubbed it gently. “It was the best kiss I’ve ever had. And I’m not just saying that either, so don’t even think that.” Rodney just chuckled when she said that she had gotten him all wet with her tears. He’d live. It wasn’t a big deal. He just watched her for a few seconds. “Um, well,” he began as he dropped his eyes to a strand of grass. “if you really thought you messed up the kiss.” He peered back up at her shyly. “You could always try again?” He managed a small grin. It didn’t take long for her lips to press against his again gently. As she wrapped her arms around him, he did the same. He enjoyed this that was for sure. It made him move the things she had told him to a different part of his brain to contemplate a bit later. Right now this was all her and the perfect moment he had with her. Even if he told her he wasn’t sure what this meant for them, he was pretty sure both of them knew. Things had changed now. Now the only problem was going to be keeping these emotions under control enough to work through his plans against Reginald.

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